I want to write 'funny' or informative, deep even, with pictures. But, it's difficult as the back is not feeling good and the black dog again approaches. I can feel the depression setting in. This does have something to do with the time of year as well, but the back just doesn't help it.
I've been awake again, in the night, worrying. I'm not sure how long I can keep up with my current work of housekeeper. I finally came to the conclusion, last week, that I simply cannot do the job alone. This is the first time I had to do this without the help of Mr T or our daughter, and it was a wake-up call, really. Now, in my main job I'm really just paid a retainer to be there 'as and when' and this seems to work okay. But, my second job, the one I really like best - and get on exceptionally well with the owners - is the hard one. We were talking about my taking over all the bookings as well as the general running of things, which would be brill for me. It's just the cleaning of the changeovers that I struggle so much with. Though, one option could be that I get paid help to deal with this, if/when Mr T or our daughter are unable to be there. I'll think about that one.
The other big worry is that if my back is getting worse, or I'm falling into the realms of last winter's episode, then I just don't think I can take things as they were then. We are going to have to move into one of the spare bedrooms, that is next to the bathroom. Our house has a strange layout - downstairs there are two rooms with, on the outside, a large shed either side. Upstairs has three bedrooms and bathroom, set above the two rooms + sheds - our bedroom the largest and one we are most comfortable in is at the opposite end to the bathroom. Bloody, bloody long walk when in agony.
If we can't live in this, our tied house, then we'd have to move from here and our jobs. Now, we could manage financially, but I've always worked and always intended to until well past retirement. Ooh, you can see the whirly-gig of my mind in the night, can't you?
Added to this, because I am worried and trying to work it out and not be upset, I feel I'm kind of 'nippy' with people? And, people don't take it. They just say, 'bugger you, then!' and go away. And, I don't want that, so I have to try and be 'up' and 'funny' and just 'okay.'
Well, it's just gone midday. Saturday Kitchen is long finished. I'll go and get dressed.
Don't worry, this is just wallowing in self pity and working 'stuff' out. Thank goodness, this is all I have to worry about. My family are all well, Mr T has been painting windows for me this week - he must love me as he just hates painting!