Last night was the County Final. We were up against some stiff competition and all the ladies were nervous, and held bated breath while the Adjudicator read out his comments, including some bits about the bits he was impressed by.
Looking at him when he arrived earlier in the evening, a flat briefcase attached to his hand, and sporting a neat beard, shiny glasses, red cheeks and maganamous grin, I could tell he wouldn't mind any of our knicker, liquour or stripper jokes.
Oh, we had our champions of champions speeches ready. We'd decided who and in which order the mike would be taken; even the pose we would make around the Winner's Trophy for the undoubtedly glamorous photographs we'd be called to do, despite that it would, no doubt become boring, yawn.
But, can you guess?
We only went and bloody Won!
Autographs R Us, then.*
* When asked if she'd like our autographs, 'F' said 'I knew you before you were famous!'